Thursday, 28 June 2007

Options

Life is fairly good at the moment. Good Job, nice place to live. Unfortunately, I several reason my place of residence will expire at the end of this year. Which is perfectly fine, I always expected that. To be honest I could probably stay if I really want, but I can’t see myself doing that. As nice as it is, it’s just not me.

So what are my options? Well the first and most obvious one is I could move back in with my parents. Even though this would be the cheapest choice and I’d get to see my family a lot more again, I don’t think I could accept living so far from everything again. Next and most likely option is to find a new place to call home. This is probably the path I am going to choose, but it’s also going to be the hardest and the most expensive.

An apartment would probably be the best option for me at the moment. In some ways I’d like a smaller more personal space to live and call my own. Where I live now is pretty huge, but it doesn’t really feel like my house. I am comfortable there but in a lot of ways I still feel like I’m only a visitor. I guess that’s a pretty accurate way of looking at it though. I was only ever meant to be there as a kind of caretaker.

It’s a shame it never worked out the way it was meant to. There was meant to be 3 of us for starters. We were all going to get Jobs and pay our own way. It often feels like I am the only one who actually kept to there word.

Ahwell :) It won’t be that long and I’ll be moving on myself. An apartment of my own, just a small place, maybe share with a close reliable friend, that would be nice.

So Many Birthdays

Well I got my dads Birthday this week.

Lauras Birthday in two weeks.

My brothers birthday in just over a month.

Looks like its going to be a busy few weeks for me. :P This must be the best time of year for a birthday. Smack bang half way through the year. I spose the only problem is that its during a relatively busy time of year, so the odd person might forget about you lol.

My Birthday is on the 26th of December. Nobody ever forgets it, but what a crappy time. :( Ever had a Happy Christmas/Birthday Card? I Have =.= Ah well some people are just slack :P and my true friends always make sure they celebrate my birthday separate from Christmas.

Tuesday, 26 June 2007

Ball Photo.


Me Two Years ago, at my Ball. I look so much younger...

No thats not my Girlfriend :P She was just a good friend, who was nice enough to give me a partner for the night :)

Owner of a Lonely Heart



Lyrics:

Move yourself
You always live your life
Never thinking of the future
Prove yourself
You are the move you make
Take your chances win or loser

See yourself
You are the steps you take
You and you - and thats the only way

Shake - shake yourself
Youre every move you make
So the story goes

Owner of a lonely heart
Owner of a lonely heart
Much better than - a
Owner of a broken heart
Owner of a lonely heart

Say - you dont want to chance it
Youve been hurt so before

Watch it now
The eagle in the sky
How he dancin one and only
You - lose yourself
No not for pitys sake
Theres no real reason to be lonely
Be yourself
Give your free will a chance
Youve got to want to succeed

Owner of a lonely heart
Owner of a lonely heart
Much better than - a
Owner of a broken heart
Owner of a lonely heart

Owner of a lonely heart

After my own decision
They confused me so - owner of a lonely heart
My love said never question your will at all
In the end youve got to go
Look before you leap - owner of a lonely heart
And dont you hesitate at all - no no

Owner of a lonely heart
Owner of a lonely heart
Much better than - a
Owner of a broken heart
Owner of a lonely heart
(repeat)

Owner of a lonely heart

Sooner or later each conclusion
Will decide the lonely heart - owner of a lonely heart
It will excite it will delight
It will give a better start - owner of a lonely heart

Dont deceive your free will at all
Dont deceive your free will at all - owner of a lonely heart
Dont deceive your free will at all
Just receive it

Monday, 25 June 2007

Ahh Mondays.

Well well.

Spoke to Greg today for a while, which i haven't really had a chance to do for quite a while. I thought he was annoyed at me, but it turns out hes just annoyed at everything else. Either way he did say hes "got better things to do" then hang out like we used to. Not sure he really intended it to sound like that. But, still was a bit harsh i thought... =(

A bloody server has died at work here, which has just caused hassle from the minute we walked in the door. It had to be one that runs several vital operations of the place. We'll get it fixed eventually, but until we do, we've got people pilling up at the office door asking why certain things aren't working. I've only managed to scrape the time to write this out of my lunch hour.

It seems my friend Serena is keen on training me up to be her new dance partner. I'm really eager to learn and would happily dance with her. Shes a really great person that i get along well with. I am really surprised how much I enjoyed dancing. Not just the social aspect, which is great, but the actual dancing itself is really fun in a different kind of way. It looks like it becomes more fun as you get better too, which is real inspiration to improve :)

Going to be spending some time with a close friend on Saturday. We've been talking about doing something for ages, but never actually set a date or anything. I'm really looking forward to it. We rarely get to see each other and basically never get any time alone together, so should be lots of fun. Well i know I'll enjoy it and i hope she will too :)

Well i better do something more productive. Until my next entry, take care.

Sunday, 24 June 2007

Quote

"Never argue with a dumb ass. He may drag you down to his level and beat you with his experience."

Quote of the Week.

The Eagles



Love this song. The Amazing Vocal harmonies towards the end of this song literally bring tears to my eyes. Beautiful.

Friday, 22 June 2007

Ball is rolling

Spoke to sensai this morning. I'll be going back to karate in a couple of weeks :D I cant wit to get back into it again. Going some kickboxing with my House-mate Kane made me realize how much i missed it. It was really great just to talk to him again. Hes such an awesome person to be around, just talking to him to half an hour on the phone, straight away made me feel good about my day.

If everything goes to plan, tonight i'll be off to dancing for the first time. I'm pretty nervous about it, mainly because i don't want to make a fool of myself (in front of one person in particular). :P But i'm sure it will be great fun. More then anything its an excuse to spend time with one person I want to see more then anybody. I'm willing to risk a little embarrassment for that :) Who knows, if i get any good maybe i'll get an excuse to spend ever more time with her :P

Work has been a major drag this week, but it pays my bills and keeps me afloat. I paid $600 in rent this morning, so i am a little low on funds until next thursday. But my paycheck should be fairly chunky because i've worked a lot of hours these last few weeks.
Well lunchtime i nearly over so i best get back to work.

Thursday, 21 June 2007

Nervous.

Well i made the decision the other day to finally goto dancing with my friends. Kane, Serena and Laura had all asked me more then once to come in the past, and finally I've worked up my courage to take the plunge. :p Still I'm not worried, all three of them are awesome people and I know they'll help get me up to speed as quickly as they can.

Another big decision (at least it is to me) I've made is to cut my long hair. I've been growing my hair for close to 5 years, so this decision wasn't made lightly. I still have no idea what style i want my hair, but I've got so much, i could probably get it cut however i like. :P
Ahhwell, whatever happens i am sure i wont look any worse then i do now lol

Wednesday, 20 June 2007

Damn Airline Prices

One thing i want to do more then anything else in the world at the moment, is to see toto live in concert. I was checkin out there website and saw they have a number of performances over the next few months in Europe. So, i checked out prices for a return trip to a city in Germany where they will be performing. $3154. Ouch. Now i *could* afford that, but i'd bloody feel it for a while.

Then i remembered that a month or so ago, i made a post on the Official toto forum asking when and if they would be touring Australia again anytime soon. The person who was responsible for organising there last tour or oz, which was about August last year said they were trying to arrange for them to come back either late this year or early next year. So despite the fact I would love to goto Germany AND see Toto live, i dont think i should shell out $4000+ to do it. Maybe in a year or so :P

But for the time being, I cant WAIT for them to come back to Oz. As soon as i find out the dates of the concert i'm booking my flight, my hotel and will be waiting impatiently :D

New Resolve.

Well, the last few weeks have been strange for me. Despite there relative difficulty, i think I've pulled through ok and relatively unscathed. I've learnt more about myself, and what i am capable of. Most importantly I've discovered just how good my friends are. A couple in particular and they know who they are, have been awesome. Despite my foolishly stupid attempts at pushing her away one of them she stood by me when most people would of walked away and for that i am dearly grateful.

I am now determined to make some changes in my life. I need to give myself some direction to keep myself from falling into an emotional chasm that put me through that in the first place. I've decided more then anything, i want to get myself to my old level of fitness. I'm now gyming two times a week for several hours, I'll be going back to karate, made big changes to my diet. Hopefully these changes help me to feel better about myself soon. I'm sure they wont make me feel worse :P

Another thing i need to do is get out more. Meet new people and live a little. I've made the decision to join my friend Kane at dancing this weekend. Something hes been naggin me to do for ages. We've also made a commitment to hit the town that night, just go and have fun. Something we both want to try and do as often as we can.

Heres to a Happy Future.

Steve Lukather.



The Master, Steve Lukather at work. Awesome singer, godly guitar player.

Tuesday, 19 June 2007

Lolz


Finally Howard Found something hes good at.

Escape



Such a Great song.
Lyrics Below.

He's just a young boy out of school
Livin' his world like he wants to
They're makin' laws, but they don't understand
Turns a boy in to a fightin' man
They won't take me
They won't break me
No one could tell him what to do
Had to learn everything the hard way
He's on the street, breakin' all the rules
I'm tellin' you that he's nobody's fool
They won't take me
They won't break me
Now he's leavin', gettin' out from this masquerade
Oh gotta go

I'm finally out in the clear and I'm free
I've got dreams I'm livin' for
I'm movin' on where they'll never find me
Rollin' on to anywhere
I'll break away, yes I'm on my way
Leavin' today, yes I'm on my way
Just when you think you had it all figured out
Runnin' scared can change your mind
I never knew I had so much to give
How hard times can fool ya
Oh I'm okay, I'm alright
Feelin' good out on your own
I'll break away, I'll break away tonight
I've got dreams I'm livin' for
I'll break away
Yes, I'm on my way
I'm leaving', leavin' today
Yes, I'm on my way
This is my escape
Yes, I'm on my way
I'll break away
Yes, I'm on my way

Spirituality.

I wonder sometimes.

I personally have quite a strong belief in God. I don't pray to him, asking for things and i try not to complain about things in my life. I don't believe we as a race are worthy of asking favors of the creator of the universe. I also don't believe in religion. On the contrary, i am quite opposed to religion most of the time.

Basically every form of religion has corrupted the pureness of faith. Religion uses peoples faith to empower greedy people. If you look through history, some of the greatest atrocities in the history of our race have been committed in the name of god by one religious faction or another. I refuse to believe that God would condone this behavior, the way people treat each other and act, because one religion or another says so.

A being capable of creating the universe and all the life in it, would have understanding and intelligence beyond anything humans can comprehend. I honestly believe that God would know who is a good person, and who is not. The people who are worthy of his love, will receive it when there time comes and those who aren't worthy wont be able to fool anybody by "converting" to religion.

But still sometimes I wonder. In some areas of my life i have been really lucky. I've got good friends, good job, my family are beautiful people. But for better or worse, I've spent a large portion of the last few years as a lonely soul. I rarely meet people that truly understand me and when i do, things never turn out the way I'd really like. After so many bad experiences, its hard for me to open up to people. It seems to me my greatest weakness is I love people who can never reflect it. If there is one feeling i would associate with my last few years, it would be frustration.

Monday, 18 June 2007

A Story of a Boy, Episode 2

The inside of the temple was even more alien. The walls were a dark faded blue, and lines of energy criss-crossed along its surface in strange otherworldly patterns. The hall they walked down was fairly narrow but very tall. Three Sentinels stood behind the family, and three stood in front, any thoughts ideas of escaping now were out of the question. The group marched down the hall, behind the sentinel who had opened the entrance to the temple. Suddenly he stopped, the other five sentinels stopped an instant later, almost as if a command had been given.

The boy’s mother held him close, the sentinels didn’t speak, but it seemed obvious they could communicate with each other in other ways. The lead sentinel turned to face the wall. There did seem to be a strange pattern in the energy lines in that particular place. He held out one hand, not quite touching the wall. Transfixed, the boy watched him closely. Did his hand just glow? He only had a grief instant to ponder what he saw then, like the front entrance to the temple, the wall seemed to retract before his very eyes, to un-build itself and quickly spread outwards from the strange pattern the energy lines made. In seconds a doorway stood where there had once been a wall.

The lead sentinel faced the family and spoke in his cold voice, “Follow me”. The remaining sentinels had wandered off down the corridor and the lead one had taken a step through the door, waiting for the family to follow him through. The Boy looked down the hall, back the way he had came. Can I escape? He looked at his parents, both obviously petrified. His father was ashen faced, his eyes were wide. He was trying to look brave but was failing badly. His mother was openly weeping. For somebody who was normally so serious, that was a bad sign. No… they were in no shape to run. Despite his parents obvious distress the boy didn’t feel afraid. He was curious, maybe a little worried, but not afraid. He turned to look the Sentinel, who was staring right at him. Looking into his shrouded hood into the dull glow of the red eyes, the boy swore he could almost feel the sentinel’s thoughts brushing against his own. He got a sense that the sentinel wasn’t going to harm him.

Now completely unafraid the boy stepped through the open doorway. His mother sobbed and his father gasped, but they followed there son through. As soon as they had completely cleared it, the ‘portal’ that was once a wall, became a wall once again in much the same way it had become a portal. It ‘re-grew’ to once again consume the space it had created. As they walked down the passage to where-ever they were going, the boy was sure the sentinel preceding them was smiling. “What is this place…” he wondered to himself. After walking for a short time, the hallway opened into a large room. The Room was completely round and had energy lines running all the way up the walls and through the floor. All the energy lines congregated in the centre of the room where a large alter protruded from the floor. The alter housed what looked like a large crystal ball that was completely clear. Standing alone next to the strange sphere was what appeared to be another sentinel.

This sentinel though, was clearly different to the others the boy had seen. His black robes were covered in strange lines of energy, similar to the ones that covered the walls and floors of this room and the rest of the temple. Unlike the temple, where the energy lines appeared to be mostly random with the occasional pattern, his entire robe had different patterns leading into each other. The lines of energy pulsed lightly, much like they did in the walls and floors. “Leave us” the strange sentinel said, in a voice that was a lot more human then one he had heard any sentinel use before. The one who guided the family to the chamber went down to one knee for a brief moment before quickly rising and departing from the chamber. The strange sentinel slowly turned, and the boy could see that his face was hidden in a shroud like any sentinel, but his eyes unlike the others, glowed blue instead of red. “Finally we meet, Anthony. I’ve been expecting you for quite some time…”, as he spoke the sentinel reached up and pulled back his cloak. As he slowly pulled back the fabric, the shroud which seemed to almost be part of the clothing, retracted as well revealing a face that was completely human.

Wednesday, 13 June 2007

A Story of a Boy, Episode 1

He walked with his head bowed low. Everywhere you looked people did the same; you could almost see the anxiety, the fear in the air. Sentinels prowled the city watching for any decent. Like a hungry Lion playing with its food. His family had always tried to keep a low profile. Everybody did. To be noticed in this place was to invite death… or worse, for everything you knew. But it seemed it was all for naught. Early that morning, a dozen sentinels had arrived at the boys homed and now him and his family were being marched through the street to the Central temple.

The Architecture of the city was still very human. Massive Buildings touched the sky, black smooth roads snaked through the city, parks, rivers, and tree’s was still in abundance. But it was slowly being eroded away and replaced by the buildings the others built, strange constructions with unknown purposes that obviously weren’t of this world. The Central Temple was one such building, a place that everybody in the city feared to even mention. For anybody who had been taken there had never returned to tell of it.

The twelve sentinels that guarded the boy and his family all looked the same. Dressed from head to toe in a strange black suit that showed nothing of the being underneath. All there heads were cloaked, in deep hoods that completely hid the face of the sentinels. All that could be seen was a dull red glow where eyes would be. They could have been human or the other ones in that suit. Nobody was really sure. On each forearm there were two Curved bladed claws, completely black. If anybody in the boy’s family was fool enough to try and run, those Claws would fire energy that could cut down any man in seconds. Be them soldier, man, women or child.

After almost an hour of being marched through the city under the piercing stares of there sentinel guards the Boy and his family arrive at the Central Temple. A monstrosity of a building that seemed to protrude from the very earth itself. It was all curves and sharp edges, like the person or thing that had designed it had loved bladed weapons. It rose far into the sky. High enough to make the largest Human buildings in the city look like Tents. Along the edges of the curved protrusions that jutted from the building all over was a dull glow that showed energy ran through. But strangely enough, there was no door or obvious entry. Like the building was made to never be entered. One of the Sentinel guards walked up to building, between two of the protruding blade like edges and held out his arms, so the bladed weapons on his forearms lightly contacted the buildings own. The boy gasped, in seconds the buildings very structure seemed to un-build before his very eyes. Where once there was a bare wall, now was a large entrance. The Sentinel who made the door open, turned around and faced the family. “Enter” he said in a voice as cold as his appearance. The Boys mother started to cry…

Tuesday, 12 June 2007

Something to Guide Us...

I think i need to get back into Karate.

For some reason of late, my resolve has been weakened. I'm not sure exactly whats wrong, but something is getting to me. The fact i have very little time to really relax probably has a lot to do with it. My mind is always buzzing a thousand miles an hour about something or another. If its not that, I'm at work, cleaning up, helping Kane or Greg with something...

When i did karate i had some time to unwind. Some time to be primal and pure for even a little while. Not to mention is was fun and satisfying in ways that other things simply aren't. For me it wasn't about learning to fight or trying to become the next Bruce Lee. I just enjoyed it for what it was. A spiritual release.

Yeap, something I am going to do when i get home, is ring sensai and see if i can work out a situation where i can train with him, once again.

Thursday, 7 June 2007

Music, Food for the soul.

Ahh i love music.

I don't know how i could survive without it. For every feeling, every emotion we feel, there is a song that reflects it. Reflects it, feeds it, and can make it better.

As somebody who enjoys singing as well as listening to music, I know there is a real release it creating music too. Kind of like being at peace in a beautiful landscape, or swimming in the ocean on a crystal clear day, it brings a peace to your heart that is hard to find elsewhere.

On that note, i'll continue doing my work, quietly singing along to "She Looks to Me" By Red Hot Chili Peppers. :)

Tuesday, 5 June 2007

Some FUNNY shit.

http://darwinawards.com/stupid/stupid2004-17.html

http://darwinawards.com/stupid/stupid2004-07.html

http://darwinawards.com/stupid/stupid2004-18.html

http://darwinawards.com/stupid/stupid2004-06.html

Ahh these cracked me up big time :)

Favourite song.



Probably my favorite song of all time atm. I just love this song on so many levels.

Lifelike.



One of my favourite songs atm. Vid clips a little weird, but i still really like it.

Alchohol is bad mkay.

I feel like such a moron sometimes.

The things you say when you are not 100% with it? I didn't lie, or do anything *really* stupid but I said quite a few things i wish i didn't. Revealed some things i wish i didn't. Ahwell, the truth has a way of making itself known, maybe I was simply its instrument.

Things will all be coming to head soon... For better or worse.

Driving is Fun.

I Cant believe i left it so long to really learn to drive. Even after two weekends, i am having a great time. If i keep improving at the rate i am, I'll be driving in no time at all.

Autos are easy, i could drive anywhere in an Auto right now, but i'm not quite there with a Manuel yet. Give me a few more weeks and i'll be there.